Pressing Pause, Letting Go — And Rebuilding My Brand
Five months ago, I decided to take a break from my company. After closing the physical store — because we’re leaving the country for good in a few months — I realized I didn’t just need a reset. I needed to stop. Really stop. A break from thinking. From being that multi-hat person. From being everything — and somehow not fully in control of anything.
After ten years, I had lost my sense of purpose. The beautiful adventure I had started was beginning to feel like a foggy cloud.
I needed to rethink everything.
When Your Dream No Longer Feels Clear
It was hard because asking myself what I wanted to do next with my label truly confused me. Did it still correspond with the woman, the mom, the partner I had grown into over the years? Had I lived the dream and now felt ready for a new chapter? Or was I just too attached — too invested in all the long hours, the effort, the love I had poured into it — to even consider walking away? My baby. My company. Something I built from nothing.And suddenly… it felt off. For once, I didn’t rush into the next thing like my usual hyper-productive self. I paused. And it was hard. Because I never stop.
I always feel anxious to produce, to create, to stay in the race.
Being Your Own Boss With ADD
It’s not easy being your own boss when you live with a serious ADD diagnosis. The creative part? Amazing. The management part? Much harder. And for a company to run smoothly, you need much more than vision. Over the years, I learned to be everything — including the parts I didn’t like. I’ve always carried insecurities about quitting school early and not attending university. I felt the need to build something bigger than my “official” expertise. I wish my life had allowed me to study more.
But my ADD — my inability to sit still and focus — led to deep depression at that time. So at 18, I left for Milan for a modeling opportunity. Years later, I came back… just a little more broken. But those modeling years shaped me. They forged my artistic eye. They gave me intense life experiences and strengthened my creative intuition. I always knew I wanted to bring my visions to life. I studied photography and graphic design in London for a short time, but it never felt like enough. I felt judged for “just” being an artist. I felt like I needed to wear a financial hat too.
And honestly? I wasn’t capable of following a traditional structure. Being my own boss felt like my only option.
Proving Them Wrong- What I learned with time
For years, I was trying to prove people wrong — the ones who challenged me as a young girl, who pretentiously asked what I studied, who judged me for being a content creator, who believed models are pretty but dumb. The teachers who thought I was lazy and didn’t understand my ADD struggles. The friends who grew distant when I chose travel over school. The guys who made me feel not enough. I carried all of that with me, and it quietly fueled everything I built. So I started Hermust almost overnight — within 24 hours and with $1,500 invested into a domain name and my first ideas. I shot my own campaigns, hired friends, stored inventory in my mom’s guest room, and just took the leap. It felt risky and fast, but it felt right. And it was.
Nine years later, we had sold thousands of swimsuits, grown thousands of customers, opened a store, worked endless hours, and built something real with little to no investment in the early years. I met incredible women along the way and created something that truly mattered. But today, I realize I didn’t actually need to prove anything to anyone — even if that fire did help fuel my success. And now that I don’t feel the need to prove anymore, success feels different. It almost feels funny.
After years of worrying about proving myself, I hit this wall of wisdom and thought… what the hell. So I took my time, and I decided to reopen Hermust online — but in a much more reflected and organic way. Slower. If I’m rebuilding my brand for another decade, it has to feel aligned with the woman and the mom I am today. I want to enjoy every minute of it. I have no more energy to waste. All I really want now is to feel aligned with my own values, to stop trying to please or serve someone else’s vision of me, and to create from a place of integrity. Maybe that’s the good part about aging — you finally get better at just being you.